Audiobooks in bed

TGF my iPod helping me turn off supercharged whizzy brain to get a whole 2 hours sleep last night.

Get the feeling God just likes to rub your face in it?

Tidying (trying to keep busy). Found a handout from an Alpha Bravo session...

"If you can hold someone's hand, hug them or even touch them on the shoulder, you are blessed because you can offer God's healing touch.."

Feels like nothing

I know that in theory I have lots to thank God for. But it feels like there is absolutely nothing to TGF. Now that the concert is over there is nothing to look forward to. No little things. No more walks in the Peaks. No more concerts and shows. No more trips to London. No more laughing. Not even a chat and tea after school. Even the things that I have to do, like Chalkie's party, like the PhD celebration meal I'm avoiding tomorrow.. they're all just reminders of how much of a failure I am. I'll always be alone. Noone ever loved me enough to want just to be with me. One person just wanted all my money, and someone to belay him. Who knows what the other person wanted.

Its hard at 31 to know that you'll never have that life you dreamed of. Simple things like a partner. Kids. Building a home with someone. All the things I loved doing.. adventurous stuff outdoors.. is just a pile of kit in the loft now. I'll never go on holiday again. Never get to see the world... enjoy it with somebody else. Can't see the point in being alive. Go to work, get money. Pay bills. Seems a bit stupid to me. Jeremiah 29:11 seems a complete load of rubbish to me.

TGF Naughty Tembo

Bless him. You'll notice the water on the floor. He knocked my glass over.

Clever people

TGF clever buddies that can fix things... namely stereos and my head. TGF lists. TGF technology working together. TGF the tin of chocolates in front of me. TGF woolly hats. TGF Nirvana CDs.

When is summer?

TGF friends that talk honestly with me, explaining life in a way I understand. TGF hot water bottles. TGF being able to absorb my brain completely in a computer game. TGF hugs from the Pups. TGF a glimmer of hope that maybe its not all over. TGF the afternoon sun warming my room. TGF time learning about how Aspies work.

Smurfette

TGF a fab evening hanging out with my buddy Ems. Was chilled and fun.. chatted lots, played wii and ate chip and egg butties. Thanks for distracting me Em. (Oh and TGF us beating Lu at volleyball finally too hehe).

Hmmm gotta think hard

Thats a tricky one today. Everything seems to be going pear shaped. Chimney sweep scratched the 'stone' thing on the floor in the fireplace. Paper is stuck to the fireplace where I had used it to protect it from me varnishing. My 'best friend' is still not talking to me. Remi has rejected my offer (after 3 months) and has told me to seek legal advice. Danny owes me 722 pounds and has disappeared off the planet. E.On have almost doubled my electricity bill unbeknown to me. The oven and hob I was going to buy have actually gone UP in the sale and Norwich are losing in the FA cup. Anything else?

I would say TGF getting the DVD recorder I wanted.. most of it paid for by vouchers from Goldfish.. but as I haven't tried plugging it in yet I wouldn't want to speak too soon.

Good job Dr Tim gave me a special cutlery set yesterday.

Update: yes.. there was something else. I really need the scart lead that I gave to my 'best friend' with my freeview box in order to set up the DVD recorder. Fan bloody tastic.

Smurfette

TGF my buddy Em who is always there when I really need her. TGF how we can make each other laugh even tho the world has come crashing down.

Brr

TGF being in my car not on my bike for the journey home last night. Brrrrr

Brrr

TGF gloves and scarves and woolly hats (although my hands still hurt they got that cold biking home last night). TGF central heating, nice jammies and furry hot water bottles. TGF the eternal hope for a 'snow day'!!

Sonic Olympics

TGF my buddies... that are here playing Mario and Sonic Olympics with me on the wii... and are being hilarious. TGF chip and egg butties too hehe.

His help

TGF his caring about us... and being able to entrust all situations to him. TGF all my cool trainers (grey adidas skate ones today). TGF my friends patience with my Aspiness. TGF being able to recover a situation that previously would have turned into an arguement. TGF being able to blog in front of the TV with nice cider. TGF a nice start to the New Year.. making Lego and a run and a chilled afternoon with mates at pub.