35310

Monday 30th June. TGF making myself laugh at the stupidity of answering back senior managers. TGF one nice easy lesson today. TGF LEGO http://gizmodo.com/5020703/35310-lego-star-wars-clone-trooper-army-invades-earth

Heart to Heart

Sunday 29th June: TGF Him working things out so we could talk. Really talk. Hearts hearing each other. Still confused as to where we stand but have a sense of hope back again. So TGF that.

Broken Hearts

Saturday 28th June: TGF not a lot. Having my heart torn apart yet again. Trying hard to be mature and calm and stable and patient. Hurts me so badly that love is not enough. Guess I watch too many soppy films, and in real life things don't work like that. My glimmer of hope that one day things will be different is fading again.
Yet...TGF knowing in my heart that she is the one. TGF my feelings coming out as tears not anger. TGF knowing that in heaven there will be no pain. TGF the strength to just wait that I hope he gives me.

If only everyone did

Wednesday 25th June: Some things I suppose I should thank God for. Really don't feel like it though. I want to scream and cry and ask God why he made me like this and why he put me into this hopeless life. Am just recalling a post from a few days ago.. and wishing that everybody would obey their heart sometimes, rather than listening only ever to what they can't do.

Today I guess I have to TGF it not raining on sportsday, for no-one getting hurt in the javelin competition. TGF not losing the plot so badly that I lost my job by ranting at a senior manager (although at least one person was proud of me for standing up for myself). TGF being able to stop crying and teach my lesson straight after. I should TGF scoring a goal at football, but am just so fed up at how useless I am at everything, and wonder why I bother putting myself through hell, I just can't do making friends.

I really should have posted my thoughts for yesterday last night. Right now I can't believe it even happened. Yesterday would have been TGF holding it together in the face of Year 9 girls when Chris really thought I would lose it. TGF the nightmare day at school finally ending. TGF someone friendly being at home waiting for me with a smile and a hug. TGF relaxing and reading. TGF a whole evening together. One day I hope that I would be able to TGF being able to be more open and honest in this blog. However, again that seems to be getting further and further away.

Bit of a struggle

Mon 23rd June. TGF...um....its been another nasty day at school... I suppose TGF there only being 3 weeks left. TGF being able to come home and forget about it and read a good book in a cosy warm place. TGF trifle.

Love one another

Sunday 22nd June: TGF church services where God gets through. TGF him giving me the thought that just burrows away at your brain...then the guts to follow it through. TGF Phil Groves working with and for gay and lesbian people in the Anglican church. TGF important things to learn from the bible...and they're often the simplest.

TGF a dry day (if crazily windy) for my barbie. TGF lumpy custard trifle. TGF reading in the sun. TGF my angel who is fast becomming an expert in splinter removal. TGF being brave and phoning sky and BT.

For Thursday: TGF having people in school that really care about you. TGF Zoe, the kid in my mentor group that I think actually does care, rather than seeing a weakness to exploit. TGF Chris, a lovely lady, who knows why I was so upset, and understands the whole Aspie thing too.

Answered prayers

Fri 20th June: TGF Alison's head feeling better. TGF Tim's eyes getting better. TGF baby Oscar being born safely.

Follow your heart

Fri 20th June: TGF listening to my heart. TGF that being the right thing to do. TGF being cried on. TGF orange redbsuh. TGF not leaving when I could have. TGF making my cool new table together. TGF the first meal outside. TGF sharing an ice cream. TGF reading in the sun. TGF being able to make someone else feel relaxed and happy with a massage. TGF sitting with my feet up feeling all contented despite the never-ending list of things to do. TGF not burning the garage down when I kind of accidentally set the door alight! oops. TGF feeling happy that the ironing and hoovering is done. TGF being brought a cup of tea while watching the footy. TGF being able to remind myself, and someone else to remember to be grateful for the small things through this blog...a lesson learned from a great woman.

Proud

Sun 15th June: TGF having someone be really proud of me. TGF the feeling of having suprised yourself by doing your best. TGF having someone beaming at you. TGF answering prayers for not needing to stop to pee or puke during the race. TGF birthday cake to eat after the race instead of the ryvita in the 'goody bag'. TGF bubbles. TGF sleep when you are really cream crackered. TGF his grace finding me just as I am. TGF 5 minutes together. TGF technology behaving itself so that I was able to burn all of Sim's CDs today.

Carpe Diem

Sat 14th June. TGF creation. and cameras.

Love

Sat: TGF love. Am in tears. Liverpool concert on iPlayer. Something in the way she moves me.

Good anger

Sat 14th June: TGF amazing autistic people, namely Ros Blackburn, who can speak for autistic people with a passion I've never witnessed before. Controversial to some, but I think she has the right idea about how we teach autistic people to survive in the social world. And she's hilarious. Did you know Jesus had a good upbringing? ....he came from a stable background.
TGF naps in the sun (this time on the massage table in the toasty warm conservatory. TGF great books (Tears of the Giraffe). TGF being able to use my skills and stuff to help out other people. TGF multicoloured lights. TGF time to talk. TGF other people that unconsciously play with stuff too. TGF Paul McCartney. TGF lovely babies (and getting paid to look after them). TGF sobbing at the end of a film before you even get there. TGF the times when you get to spend a whole day with someone you love to be with. TGF being middle aged and wandering round garden centres. TGF the song Blackbird (Beatles). TGF the clever and groovy Sim Walker who can turn Alison's pop noise into a funky song.

connected

Wed 11th June: TGF being able to chat on MSN all evening while doing photo and blog stuff. TGF having yoghurt and warm honey for tea. TGF coming home to a hug. TGF making plans. TGF being able to make Nan's day with a postcard. TGF not having to work tomorrow hehe.

grapes

Tues 10th June: TGF helping John to pass his viva. TGF guessing right on the grapes thing. TGF walks in Queens Park.TGF jelly babies.

Go for the one you really like

Mon 9th June: TGF getting my job application in on time (being paranoid that they didn't recieve the email but...).. TGF having to do less hours at school next year (this is the extremely positive way of them screwing me yet again). TGF finally getting my garden furniture. TGF the store having the chairs in, as online didn't. TGF being able to get them home in my car (amusingly). TGF my new ipod shuffle. TGF finishing a good book. TGF chilling out in the sun after school.

Stop and look

Fri 6th June: TGF the beautiful thin moon last night.

Ingredients

Thurs 5th June: TGF a hug being able to melt away all the day's stress. TGF friends not minding you dither in shops. TGF cheap pub food. TGF a nice stroll home. TGF being able to walk. TGF having a washing machine in the house. TGF having the ingredients to make a cake just there ready in the cupboard. TGF the smell of baking all bran cake. TGF licking the bowl. TGF being able to create stuff with my favourite pastime of 'melting stuff'.

What a sweetie

Wed 4th June: TGF Twiga winning second prize in the HPHS cutest animal competition, and changing a few people's minds about rats in the process. TGF finishing school early and having an absolutely lovely afternoon. TGF plasticine.

Not competititve but..

Tues 3rd Jan: TGF just one of my groups being able to shut up long enough for us to get some work done. TGF percussion (watched BBC young musician on iplayer). TGF having more than enough clothes. TGF having managed to save some money to buy the house. TGF being able to live independently. TGF beating the people I don't like at the quiz..hmm not sure thats an appropriate TGF, maybe just TGF doing ok at the quiz and having a nice chat afterwards. TGF hot chocolate.

Shock horror...technology working??!?

Sunday 1st June: TGF not being too mad at it raining when I was so close to finishing the fence. TGF a run instead. TGF getting my accounts sorted today. TGF a micro-visit. TGF banana sarnies. TGF finally having TV in my room (all because I came across a signal booster in a cupboard when I was looking for Tembo). TGF having got stuff done this week. TGF having had some really special times this week.