Scream

TGF time away from this flippin house.

TGF the hope that He is finally leading me away from here.

His Plan

TGF the thought that maybe God is making everything so hard and so crap now .. so that when HE sorts it all it will feel all the more wonderful (e.g. knowing that nobody will be able to turn up and walk into my house at midnight... staying for the sole purpose of bullying me and trying to wind me up, trying to make me so miserable that I cave in)

Calm

TGF no nasty suprises when I got home, unlike yesterday. TGF coming home to an empty house. TGF being hopeful about moving somewhere nice. Is the start of God putting my life back together?

I've had enough

TGF not having to do DIY when I got home from school.

However... no TGF for having a viewing sprung on me.. estate agents apparently couldn't be bothered to tell me.. I got an email from Mr Gauvain. Don't mind me.. I just live here. Oh and I'm the one who cleans and tidies and tries to fix all the damage caused by Mr Gauvain. Scream.

So easy

TGF being able to just nip to Tesco to get some tea.. so easy.. guess you only know how easy when you have something like the trip to Tanzania to compare it to.

Laughter the best medicine

TGF finding some hilarious photos and videos this afternoon that cheered up our Emsy.

Please look after her Dad.. let her know you're there.

Close

TGF having just enough paint left to finish the stairs.

Earned

TGF nice hot bubble baths with candles and a book.

What mums are made for

TGF virtual hugs over the phone from mum.

At last

TGF God taking care of Tim and finding him a job.. seems like one where he will really be appreciated and be able to use all his talents.

P.U.S.H. ... I'm still praying God will keep his promises to me.. but my heart has lost faith.

Autism has its uses

TGF being Aspie... only an Aspie could be this happy making lists of collections! At least its absorbing my brain and stopping it from thinking very bad things about God and life.

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeelp!

TGF being incredibly silly with incredibly intelligent and normally sensible best mates hehehe

Oh no.. there's a fire at LEGO cottage!!!!

Aspie food

TGF cereal when you're hungry. TGF cereal after a run. TGF cereal anytime really.

Any chance God heals treadmills?

Maybe I got it all wrong

Maybe I had it all wrong from the start. Maybe it was all lies.

If I have been hearing God wrong this past year.. why is He not telling me the truth now?

If I hear Him right... why hasn't He come into my heart... so that I KNOW it's right, and I can tell my doubting self to just shut up?

Nunc Dimittis.

Please take me now. My heart can't take anymore.

Father.. hear my cries.

Creation

TGF the light in the sky Tuesday night. It was like an orange glow.. but uniform all over the sky... and quite bright.. you could see outside clearly.. snow everywhere... eerie.. but beautiful.

Reduced to tears yet again

TGF this child and her brother. ... found this on the NAS website.

I love him more than anybody in the universe

My brother Dan with the head of hair.
He is a firework, bursting off in all directions -
When happy a grinning balloon, when released making loud noises and chaos.
A bird, flapping hard, taking to the skies
Bursting with fun, laughter and sometimes food!

When he is agitated
He is a war, explosions going off all the time.
I get hurt, but he doesn't mean it
However many sore patches there are.

When sad he is a sobbing heap
A deflated bouncy castle.
But I can cheer him up
With a few big hugs, a tickle, and a kiss.

He is a lucky dip
You never know what you will get.
But although he's autistic and quite badly too
I love him more than anybody in the universe.

by Olivia Kersey, age 10

Prayers working at last

TGF his help in the meeting today. He kept me calm. I didn't cry or get angry. Even managed to explain myself apparently. Thanks Dad.

Beautiful

TGF the photo that just came up on my random desktop. A beautiful picture from one of the best days of my life.

Still struggling

TGF wise words from a friend last night.. backed up by the bible this morning.

I hate how much I doubt and how little faith I have. Maybe life these last few years has beaten it out of me.

I think by this stage the only thing that will really convince me beyond anybody's doubt is if an angel came and sat down next to me in church so everyone could see, and told me straight out what God's been saying.

If anyone reads this, please pray that God will give me faith in what he is telling me, and be able to live day by day really knowing it in my heart.

The journey

Is it all linked?

On thursday my GPS led me on a 3.5 hour ramble to get to Manchester. I had only 2 hours to get there. I managed to resign myself to the fact that when I finally got there (Airkix) I would be told that I was too late and would not be allowed to fly, then have the long journey straight home again.

That day I thought I was supposed to learn two things from this. That sometimes the journey is the reason.. and that things work out for the best in the end.

I was allowed to fly, and ended up being with a great instructor and some lovely other people. It was amazing. Also the GPS took me through the Peak district, on little roads that wound their way through snowy hills and valleys. It was beautiful. So beautiful I decided to go back the next day to get pictures. The next day was lovely too.

Today in church David started talking about GPS. He said that their only limitation was that they only take you the shortest most direct route. They don't take you on the most picturesque route (I wanted to contradict him at this point) or on the route where something good might happen, or the route that leads you to be able to help someone.

Do I TGF God for yet again answering my pleas for his guidance? Is he trying to tell me that I'll get there in the end? The destination is still the same.. and it will be great when I get there.. but there are some things to do on the journey?

I so badly want to give up on my journey. Even when God reassures me and guides me time and time again... I can't believe that its true.. I end up thinking that He can't exist.

God give me faith.

Postcode lottery

TGF where I was born. I've just been reading Graeme's blog from Brazil (I know, I'm a tad behind the times) and he talked about the effect he hoped the trip would have on him. I think one of the effects of going to Tanzania for me was being more aware of how much I have to thank God for. I think I have got much better at thanking God, at the time, for little things. There are also big things that I have to thank God for. One of them is how being born in the UK has made such as difference. I'm editing photos from my brother's 30th birthday album that I scanned over the holidays. I came across this picture...

..it reminds me of something from Tanzania that definitely had a lasting impact on me. My eyes look amusingly dodgy there, but I'm mostly chilled about how they are now, despite kids at school trying to wind me up about it. Thats because I met a child at one of Sister Sarah's clinics who had the same eye problems as me.. short sighted and a lazy eye. However, because he was born in Africa and not the UK... he was nearly blind.

Things God wants you to hear?

TGF stuff that just seems to stick in your head.. when you weren't really listening.. or when you are pleading for God to tell you the truth..

Radio 2 Jan 1st. Whichever religious leader it was on the Pause for Thought slot (really should iplayer it and find out)

"If you want to make God laugh.. tell Him your plans" along with the reassurance that God really does love you and care for you, and things are done according to his plans and his timing, not your own.

Cranford. Part 2. Watched on Jan 1st.

"Faith is the key to all things"

"Love. That is the final word"